If I had a dollar for every mom who tells me they feel like they’re failing as a mom, I’d be a very rich woman! That’s because as moms we care so much about doing a “good job.” But what does that even mean?! I think it’s both part science and part art. And today, I’m sharing 11 traits of a good mom that can apply to any phase of motherhood you’re in to help you show up as the mom you want to be!
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Traits Of A Good Mom
1. Repair when you make mistakes.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect. We all make mistakes—whether it’s losing our temper, forgetting an important event, or simply having an off day. What’s essential is how we handle these moments. Repairing when you make mistakes is a powerful trait of a good mom. It shows your kids that it’s okay to be human, to err, and most importantly, to take responsibility for those errors. When you apologize sincerely and make amends, you’re teaching them accountability and the importance of mending relationships.
This process of repair can be as simple as sitting down with your child, acknowledging your mistake, and explaining how you’ll do better next time. It’s about being vulnerable and showing that you respect their feelings. This not only strengthens your bond but also models healthy behavior. Remember, it’s not the mistake that defines you, but how you choose to handle it. By repairing when you make mistakes, you’re setting a powerful example of resilience, honesty, and love.
2. Believe in your kids.
Believing in your kids is one of the most impactful things you can do as a mom. When you show them that you have faith in their abilities, you’re giving them the confidence to believe in themselves. This trust can be demonstrated in small ways, like encouraging them to try new activities, supporting their interests, or simply being their biggest cheerleader. When kids know their mom believes in them, they’re more likely to take on challenges, persevere through difficulties, and develop a strong sense of self-worth.
Personally, I’ve seen the difference this makes with my own children. Whenever I express my belief in their potential, their faces light up with confidence and joy. My encouragement gives them the boost they need to keep going. It’s a reminder that our belief in them lays the foundation for their future success and happiness. So, believe in your kids wholeheartedly; it’s a gift that keeps on giving.
3. Validate your kids’ feelings.
Validating your kids’ feelings is crucial in building a strong, trusting relationship with them. It means acknowledging their emotions, whether they’re happy, sad, frustrated, or excited, and letting them know that their feelings matter. When you take the time to listen and empathize with what they’re experiencing, you create a safe space where they feel understood and supported. This validation helps them develop emotional intelligence and resilience, equipping them to handle life’s ups and downs with confidence.
To validate your kids’ feelings, simply remember this: “sit don’t solve.” Sit with them in their feelings. Don’t try to solve them. When I do this with my boys it’s so powerful, even for the littlest things because they feel seen and heard.
4. Hold boundaries.
Holding boundaries is a vital part of being a good mom. It can be challenging, especially with little ones who are constantly testing limits, but it’s essential for their development and your sanity. Boundaries provide a sense of security and structure, helping kids understand what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t. Clear and consistent boundaries teach respect, self-discipline, and responsibility, which are crucial traits for their future.
With my boys, holding boundaries has been a learning experience. There are days when it feels like a constant battle, but I’ve seen the benefits firsthand. For instance, when when of them tries to bite, I say, “I won’t let you bite your brother but you can bite a blanky.” This shows him that it’s okay to have the urge but it’s not okay to bite people. Offering an option to the urge (by way of an acceptable action) is really powerful for kids. Even though they’re young, they’re learning that boundaries are there to keep them safe and help them grow.
Boundaries are what you do to help your kids. They’re not meant to punish, so keep this in mind when you’re enforcing them.
5. Show your kids respect.
Showing your kids respect is foundational to a healthy and loving relationship. Respecting your children means valuing their opinions, listening to their concerns, and treating them with kindness and fairness. When you demonstrate respect, you model the behavior you want to see in them. This creates a nurturing environment where they feel valued and understood, fostering mutual respect and cooperation.
In my experience with my two young boys, showing respect has been incredibly rewarding. For example, when my 3-year-old shares his thoughts or feelings, I make it a point to listen attentively and acknowledge his perspective. This not only makes him feel heard but also encourages him to communicate openly. Respecting my kids has strengthened our bond and taught them the importance of treating others with dignity. Even at such a young age, they’re learning that respect is a two-way street, and it’s a lesson that will serve them well throughout their lives.
To get started showing your kids more respect, don’t be sarcastic with what they say. Don’t dismiss it with things like, “Oh you’re being dramatic” or “Oh I’m sure it’s fine.” Really listen and believe them. Hear them. Validate their experience.
6. Give your kids space to feel how they want to feel.
Giving your kids space to feel how they want to feel is crucial for their emotional development. It means allowing them to experience and express their emotions without judgment or immediate correction. This approach helps them understand and manage their feelings, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience. By giving them this space, you’re teaching them that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions and that they don’t always have to be happy or calm.
There are several ways to give your kids this emotional space. First, when they express strong emotions, don’t try to take action to solve the problem. This shows them that negative emotions are “bad” and you need them to feel happy all the time. It sends the message that you won’t be as loving and available if they’re upset or unhappy. The exact opposite message you want to send!
Encourage your kids to talk about what they’re feeling by asking open-ended questions such as, “What made you feel this way?” or “Do you want to tell me more about it?” It’s also helpful to create a calm environment where they feel safe to express themselves, whether that means you go with them to their room so they can process their feelings or something else. By doing this, you’re providing them with the tools to navigate their emotions independently and confidently.
7. Parent, don’t control.
Parenting is about guiding and nurturing your children, not controlling them. While it’s natural to want to steer them in the “right” direction, it’s important to remember that they are individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Parenting with a focus on guidance rather than control encourages independence, critical thinking, and self-confidence in your kids.
To parent without controlling, start by practicing active listening and open communication. Instead of dictating what they should do, engage in conversations about their thoughts and feelings, helping them understand the reasons behind certain rules or decisions. By taking this approach, you’re fostering a sense of autonomy in your kids, helping them grow into confident, self-reliant individuals.
8. Manage your own mind.
Managing your own mind is a key trait of a good mom. Kids are incredibly perceptive and often mirror the emotional states of their parents. By maintaining a calm and balanced mindset, you create a stable and reassuring environment for your children. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, but being mindful of your own emotions and reactions can significantly impact your family’s overall well-being.
To manage your own mind, start activities like meditation, journaling, exercise, or simply taking a few moments each day to breathe deeply and reset. It’s also helpful to practice mindfulness, staying present in the moment rather than getting caught up in worries or stresses. When you feel overwhelmed, remember that it’s okay to take a step back and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. By taking care of your mental and emotional health, you’re better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting and model healthy coping strategies for your kids.
CLICK HERE to learn more about Mom On Purpose, my membership community for moms where I show you how to manage your own mind and become the mom you want to be.
9. Stay out of “get my child” mode.
Staying out of “get my child” mode is essential for fostering a positive and supportive relationship with your kids. “Get my child” mode is when you try to get your child to be different or do something different. This is problematic because it focuses on what you can’t control—your kids! It will make you a little bit crazy and disempowered, too.
This mode often involves reacting impulsively to minor missteps or problems, focusing on punishment or correction rather than understanding and guidance. When you approach parenting with this mindset, it can lead to a cycle of conflict and stress, undermining trust and communication between you and your children.
Instead, simply shift your mindset to the mom you want to be. Ask yourself, “who do I want to be in these circumstances?” That will put you into a much more empowered place!
10. Focus on quality 1:1 time.
Focusing on quality 1:1 time is crucial for building strong, individual relationships with your children. This dedicated time allows you to connect with them on a deeper level, understand their unique interests and needs, and strengthen your bond. Quality time isn’t just about being physically present but engaging with your child in meaningful ways that make them feel valued and loved.
To make the most of your 1:1 time, plan activities that cater to each child’s interests and preferences. Whether it’s reading their favorite book, playing a game they enjoy, or simply having a chat about their day, the key is to be fully present and engaged. Turn off distractions like phones or televisions, and focus entirely on your child during these moments. It’s also important to listen actively and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Regularly setting aside this special time can help your children feel more secure and appreciated, and it strengthens the trust and connection between you. This personalized attention can make a significant difference in their emotional well-being and your relationship.
11. Love your kids, even when it’s hard.
Loving your kids, even when it’s hard, is a testament to the strength and depth of your commitment as a mom. Parenting is filled with moments of joy and challenges, and there will be times when showing love feels difficult—whether due to exhaustion, frustration, or a tough phase in your child’s life. However, it’s during these challenging times that your love can have the most profound impact.
Expressing love when it’s hard involves staying patient and understanding, even when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It means embracing your child’s needs and emotions, providing support and reassurance, and finding ways to reconnect with them despite the difficulties. This might look like giving them a comforting hug when you’re frustrated, taking a deep breath before responding to a tantrum, or making an effort to spend quality time with them even when you’re tired.
By consistently showing love, you’re teaching your children that they are valued and that love is unwavering, regardless of the circumstances. This helps them feel secure and fosters a strong, resilient bond between you. Love that persists through tough times builds a foundation of trust and support, equipping them to navigate their own challenges with the confidence that they are always loved and valued.
A Final Note
Incorporating these traits into your parenting not only enriches your relationship with your children but also fosters their growth and development. As a mom, balancing these qualities might not always be easy, but each effort you make helps you become the mom you want to be!
