Motherhood doesn’t relent; it is sink or swim, which makes it the most incredible growth journey you can go on. Part of that growth is being the boss of your mindset so that you can show up as the mom you want to be. On autopilot, your brain will focus on the negative, robbing you of the goodness and sweetness that is available right in front of you (I promise you it’s there even if it doesn’t feel like it!).
There are 25 mindset tips that can help you change your mindset from negative or feeling like a victim of motherhood (“poor me”) so you feel more positive and empowered in your every day life.
What Mindset Is
Mindset simply refers to the story you’re telling about your life. This story is made of up thoughts (or sentences in your head). The thoughts you think either help you or hurt you.
For example, you can really be going through it in motherhood and focus on the negative, which will make things worse. Or, you can still really be going through it but focus your mindset more intentionally so you feel capable and positive about working through your challenges.
I like to think about mindset as not something that prevents challenges, but instead as something that prepares you for challenges.
Why Mindset Is Important In Motherhood
In motherhood, you’re going to have challenges. You know this based on your past and you know this from talking to moms ahead of you.
Having tools to help you “swim” instead of sink is the difference between feeling completely defeated versus motivated and excited. You can feel motivated and excited to solve your challenges. They’re still challenges but you’ll see them in a completely different (and more helpful) light using mindset tips.
Mindset Tips For Moms
Below is the complete list of 25 mindset tips for moms to help you become the mom you want to be.
1. Zoom out for the long term perspective.
It can feel like what’s happening today is going to last forever, but if you take a long term perspective, you’ll see that what you’re going through today likely won’t be a problem a year from now.
2. Get curious about your thoughts.
Negative thoughts have a way of building off each other and creating momentum so a bad morning turns into a bad day. To stop this, get curious about what you’re thinking. Observe your thoughts without judgment. It sounds like this, “oh that’s interesting I’m thinking that.” With curiosity comes understanding. From understanding comes change.
3. Stop the momentum of negative thoughts.
What you focus on expands. The more you focus on negative thoughts the more negativity you create. For your sake, shift your focus from something that’s negative to something that’s positive. Break the momentum, even if it means changing your environment to do this.
4. Create positive affirmations.
Affirmations are thoughts that you believe to be true that feel good and help you live your best life. You can create your own (intentional thought creation) and practice them daily to get into a better feeling state (i.e. reduce anxiety, overwhelm, frustration).
5. Stop comparing yourself to other moms.
Your life isn’t supposed to look like her life. Remind yourself of that so you stop falling into the comparison trap, trying to keep up with the Joneses, or thinking you’re not good enough. Comparison is the thief of joy and only makes motherhood harder!
6. Watch out for mind reading.
Mind reading is a cognitive distortion where you believe you know what other people are thinking. There’s no way to really know what anyone else is thinking because you can’t see inside their minds, nor is trying to guess what they’re thinking helpful if you’re guessing negative thoughts. For example, if you think, “she doesn’t want to be my friend” because someone didn’t reply back to you, that’s guessing what someone else is thinking to your detriment. If you’re going to play “mind reader” at least do it favorably to you (or don’t do it at all)!
7. Don’t base your “success” as a mom on your kids’ happiness.
My clients’ inside the Mom On Purpose Membership know that defining success as a mom needs to be based off what you can control—your thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, what you say, etc. How you show up as a mom is up to you. But your kids’ happiness? That is not up to you! So don’t interpret your “success” based on whether they’re happy. You can be an incredible mom and have kids who are unhappy. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about their unhappiness. Instead, it means you care without making it mean you’re doing something wrong. Repeat after me: “my kids emotions have more to do with them and less to do with me.”
8. Don’t make your worth dependent on how tidy your home is.
As women, we’ve been taught a tiny home means we’re doing a good job. This is a toxic mindset that will have you cleaning all day and night on repeat. To break this mindset tell yourself the truth: you may prefer a tidy home but it has nothing to do with how good you are. You can have a messy home and still be an amazing mom.
9. Embrace being an amazing, HUMAN mom.
Your’e not supposed to be a robot mom who is perfect. You’re supposed to be a human mom who messes up, makes mistakes, and gets it all wrong. Remind yourself of this. You can grow, improve, and live intentionally AND you’ll still be human. The point is to grow for fun because that’s what you want to do with this life. The point is not to try to be perfect. It’s an impossible task that will leave you feeling exhausted.
10. Validate your feelings without making them who you are.
Your feelings are valid. Your overwhelm is valid. But that’s not who you are. You are not an “overwhelmed mom.” You are a mom who feels overwhelmed The difference is everything.
Whatever you’re struggling with, these coaching tools can help. Give me a call and leave me a voicemail with whatever you’re struggling with so you can show up as the mom you WANT to be!
Call the Podcast Hotline here: 8-333-ASKNAT (833-327-5628)
11. Create a proactive daily practice with an intention.
The brain is wired to look for problems to solve so it can ensure your safety and survival. The problem with this is that in modern motherhood, 9.99 times out of 10, the problems aren’t life or death. But your brain doesn’t care. It will continue to look for the negative on default to try to keep you alive. So, your job is to manage your brain by directing it intentionally to think more positively. You can do this with a daily intention you write out in the morning to focus on something positive and get your mindset in a better place before the day starts.
12. Journal about who you WANT to be as a mom.
Journaling is one of the best ways to change your mindset, but it has to be done correctly. For example, journaling about your problems will only make them worse by focusing on them more. Instead, journal intentionally by writing about who you want to be as a woman, wife, and mom. Write about your future self—the woman you hope to be one year from now. This journaling practice is LIFE CHANGING.
I teach a journaling course inside the Membership. Learn more here: Mom On Purpose Journaling.
13. Surround yourself with positive people.
The brain automatically mirrors other people’s emotions, so if you want to naturally become more positive, spend time with people who view the world positively. If you don’t have people like that in your life, listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or other personal development input to help you have that positivity in your mind as much as possible.
You can access the Mom On Purpose with Natalie Bacon podcast here:
14. Stop taking things personally.
A cognitive distortion (i.e.: thinking in a distorted way that is not helpful) that creates a lot of worry, fear, and shame is personalization—where you make other people’s actions mean something negative about you. For example, if your child seems upset, you make it mean that you did something wrong. Or if you don’t hear back from your sister-in-law you assume it’s your fault. Start becoming aware of how often you make other people’s actions about you and simple add on “or not” to shift out of personalization. Instead of, “it’s probably my fault” shift to thinking, “or not.” This shows your brain it’s really just a story you’re telling yourself that isn’t helpful.
15. Notice all or nothing thinking.
Another cognitive distortion is all or nothing thinking (also known as black and white thinking) where you only see things as good or bad, right or wrong, working or not working, etc. There’s no grey. Either you’re an amazing mom or a terrible mom. Either your kids are on the right track or they’re awful. All or nothing thinking is a lie. It’s neither true nor helpful. There is lots of grey in life. Start directing your brain to it and you’ll create much more peace and calm.
16. Smile!
Changing your physiology is an excellent way to change your mindset. When you change your body language, what you wear, how you express yourself, you will feel different. For example, slouching versus standing up straight creates a completely different experience—one is depressing the other is confident. You can use smiling to change the way you feel, too. This won’t work if you’re really devastated about something but it will work if you simply want a mood boost on an average day. Start smiling and watch how good you feel.
17. Get dressed and put on makeup daily.
Get out of those yoga pants! Put on clothes that represent the mom you want to be. I shower, put on nice clothes, and wear makeup daily. It helps me feel more motivated and inspired to take on the day. I do this for me! So, even if I’m staying home, I get dressed. This is a game changer for the way you show up in your life. You’ll feel so much better.
18. Coach yourself.
Nothing has impacted my life more than learning how to apply psychology theory to my life via coaching tools. Positive input is nice but actually applying the tools created real change for me. For example, I went from someone who was rigid and overworked to someone who could take it easy and relax. I stopped yelling and snapping and learned emotional management. I learned how to believe in myself to create the future I wanted, which included quitting two prior careers as a lawyer and CFP to pursue my passion for helping women with their mental and emotional health. I now run this business as a result of learning it was possible.
You can learn how to coach yourself to create a life where you feel better, are happier and more fulfilled. All you have to do is get started. Learn more about coaching with me here: Mom On Purpose Coaching.
19. Schedule in fun.
The logistics of motherhood can take over. Before you know it your life becomes a never-ending to-do list. To stop this, schedule in fun. What lights you up? What do you enjoy doing? What feels like play for you? For example, I like stand up comedy, go carts, shopping for clothes, and making flower arrangements. Scheduling an hour to do any of these things sounds so fun to me! The most important part of this one is that you do something fun for you. Shopping isn’t fun for my husband, for example, but it is for me. So do what you find joy doing!
20. Do something just for yourself.
I don’t know you personally but I bet you have a tendency to give and pour into others more than you pour into yourself. For a number of reasons this tends to be the case with most women in this community, and with me, too. The problem with this is that you end up depleted and overwhelmed when you don’t pour back into yourself. Start treating yourself as good as you treat your kiddos. Start doing things just for you, because you deserve it.
21. Take a break.
If busy is your drug of choice, rest will feel stressful. Create pockets of 2—5 minutes where you sit still. I teach a method called “10 minutes of silence” where you sit in silence to help your body and nervous system calm down. If you’re a busy mama, you probably need this one! Your body needs to rest, but you have to teach your mind to believe it first.
22. Practice self love.
Self love is a skill you can get really good at and it will drastically improve the quality of your life. I teach six categories of self love, as well as how to start practicing each in this blog post: How To Practice Self Love As A Mom.
23. Don’t negatively label yourself or your kids.
Labeling other people with negative character traits, even if true, isn’t helpful. For example, saying “I’m a frustrated mom” is labeling your feelings as part of your identity. Or calling your child a “disrespectful kid” or your spouse a “lazy husband” all are unhelpful labels. Start using positive “I am” and “you are” statements to create believable labels for yourself and your family that help you show up as the mom you want to be.
24. Catch yourself using “should” statements.
Shoulds are a cognitive distortion where you believe there are certain rules for people and the world. Moms should have happy kids, husbands should help around the house, and life should be fair. While these thoughts sound lovely, they’re really an attempt to control things outside of your control. Notice any time you’re “shoulding” on yourself, other people, or the world and stop doing it. You’ll be much happier without shoulding!
25. Believe in yourself.
Give yourself the gift of believing in yourself.
You can lose the weight.
You can stop yelling.
You can find joy in motherhood.
You can create a more balanced life.
You can get your dream house.
I believe you can create whatever desire you have on your heart.
The best news I have for you is that belief is free. You can decide to believe in yourself right now. Want permission? You got it. Permission granted. Believe in yourself HARD. You deserve it.
P.S. The more you believe in yourself, the easier it will be to believe in your kids, which is a pretty amazing gift you can give to them, too!
BONUS: Call The Podcast Hotline
Do you have a specific question for me? I can help! You can get free mindset coaching on the Mom On Purpose With Natalie Bacon podcast hotline.
Call 8-333-ASKNAT (833-327-5628) and leave me a message. I’ll answer your question on an upcoming podcast!
A Final Note
Mindset in motherhood will help you stop the struggle bus and start showing up as the mom you genuinely WANT to be! Like learning how to do a handstand in yoga, “knowing” how to do it isn’t enough. It’s a skill you have to practice in order for it to work. So, keep on going and practicing your mindset work and motherhood will be 10000% better and easier. You got this, mama!
