You’re capable, responsible, and incredibly good at figuring things out. You’ve probably spent most of your life being rewarded for exactly that.

And then you became a mom.

What’s interesting is that the exact qualities that have helped you create so much success can make your experience of motherhood much harder.

What Modern Motherhood Feels Like For High-Achieving Moms

See if any of this sounds familiar:

  1. You end the day with a racing mind.
  2. Your to-do list never actually stops.
  3. You worry about your kids in every stage, including friends, school, activities, health, development, and on and on.
  4. Every day feels like a race—even when technically, it isn’t one.
  5. You take great care of yourself and outsource where you can, but somehow it never feels like enough.
  6. You have thoughts like, I should be able to handle this better.
  7. You see other moms similarly situated and can’t help but feel a nagging sense that there’s more you could do to get a better handle on it.
  8. You’re never completely sure you’re parenting exactly the right way.
  9. There’s a low-grade tension that seeps into your everyday life.
  10. You do the “work” on your mindset and parenting, but if you’re being honest, it still doesn’t feel like it’s really working.

There’s a reason for this that I don’t think gets talked about nearly enough.

You have a healthy, high-functioning brain that has become exceptionally good at finding and solving problems.

Your brain is wired, in part, for survival. That’s great when you’re being chased by a bear, but it’s not quite as useful when you’re standing in your kitchen on a Tuesday morning wondering whether your child’s behavior at preschool means something deeper.

Your brain naturally scans for what needs your attention. But as a high-achieving woman, you’ve also spent years practicing—and being rewarded for—anticipating problems, taking responsibility, and getting things done.

So you’re particularly good at things like:

  • Noticing what needs to be done before anyone else does.
  • Anticipating what could go wrong.
  • Seeing patterns in how other people think, feel, and act.
  • Thinking three steps ahead.
  • Taking responsibility quickly.
  • Finding the solution.
  • Improving what’s already working.
  • Getting things done faster and better.

These are incredible skills. They may be a huge part of why you’ve accomplished what you have in your career, your finances, your home, and your life.

The problem is that motherhood gives this type of brain an endless supply of problems to solve.

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Motherhood Has No Finish Line

When you’re working toward a traditional goal, there’s usually an endpoint. You graduate. You get the promotion. You hit the revenue goal. You finish the project. You buy the house.

Motherhood doesn’t work that way.

There will always be:

  • Another developmental stage.
  • Another parenting decision.
  • Another friendship issue.
  • Another illness.
  • Another activity.
  • Another behavior you’re wondering how to handle.
  • Another part of your home that could be organized.
  • Another thing you could research.
  • Another way you could theoretically be doing this better.

You never get to check off MOTHERHOOD: COMPLETE.

So you take a brain that is exceptionally good at identifying what could be better and put it inside a job where there is literally always something that could be better.

Of course it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

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Then We Add Gasoline To The Fire

On top of all of this, you’re praised for operating this way.

No one looks at the mom who is handling everything and says, “Wow, she’s doing way too much and thinking about far too many things.”

They say:

  • “I don’t know how you do it.”
  • “You’re Supermom.”
  • “You have it all together.”
  • “How do you get so much done?”
  • “I need to be more like you.”

It feels good to be seen as capable. It feels good to be the person everyone can count on. It feels good to be good at motherhood.

So the external validation becomes gasoline on the fire, reinforcing the idea that doing more, noticing more, anticipating more, and carrying more means you’re doing a better job.

And because motherhood will always give you more to do, there’s no natural point where your brain says, Great. We did enough. Time to relax.

The Biggest Problem Is That Your Life Is Actually Amazing

This is the part that matters most to me.

Your life may actually be amazing. You love your kids. You love being their mom. You’ve created so much of what you once wanted, and there may not be some giant external problem that needs to change.

But if you really slowed down and asked yourself which emotions you experience most often during an average week, what would they be?

Maybe it’s:

  • Tension.
  • Stress.
  • Pressure.
  • Urgency.
  • Overwhelm.
  • Worry.

Those aren’t bad emotions. I don’t believe motherhood is supposed to feel peaceful and happy all the time, and experiencing stress certainly doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

The problem is when those emotions become pervasive.

It’s when stress isn’t something you experience because something stressful happened, but instead becomes the low-grade hum underneath your everyday life.

It’s when you’re rushing through breakfast, thinking about pickup during drop-off, thinking about dinner during pickup, thinking about tomorrow while getting everyone ready for bed, and lying in bed thinking about everything you need to do when you wake up.

Meanwhile, this is the life you worked so hard to create.

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You Don’t Need To Get Better At Doing All Of It

This is why I don’t think the answer for high-achieving moms is another productivity strategy.

You probably already know how to:

  • Make a schedule.
  • Create a routine.
  • Organize your calendar.
  • Hire help.
  • Prioritize.
  • Get up earlier.
  • Exercise.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • Get things done.

You are not lacking the skill of doing.

The skill you may be missing is knowing when not to do.

It’s being able to notice something without immediately fixing it. It’s seeing your child struggle without making their struggle a problem you need to eliminate. It’s leaving something undone even when you know you could do it. It’s having a full week without creating urgency around the fullness.

It’s learning that being an exceptional mom doesn’t require you to think about motherhood all the time.

You don’t need to become less capable, less ambitious, or less high-achieving. I actually think trying to become a completely different person misses the point.

Instead, you want to be able to use that high-achieving part of your brain intentionally.

Use it to build the business. Use it to solve the actual problem. Use it when there’s a decision that needs to be made or something you genuinely want to accomplish.

But you don’t need it running in the background of your brain at 9:47 p.m. trying to determine whether you chose the right preschool.

You already know how to use your high-achieving brain to create an amazing life.

Now the work is learning how to experience the amazing life you created.

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A Final Note

After coaching thousands of moms (and being a recovering lawyer myself), I know firsthand how chronic the challenges of motherhood are for high-achievers.

The solution no one’s talking about that is absolutely life-changing is brain management.

It’s what I use and it’s what I help my clients with every day inside the Mom On Purpose Membership.