Motherhood is hard enough on its own, but have you ever noticed how your mind can make it even harder? It’s not just the tantrums, the messes, or the endless to-do list. Often, it’s the way we think about those things that creates extra stress and pressure.

As a mom of three boys (all under four at one point!), I learned quickly that managing my mind was just as important as managing nap schedules and meal prep. When I didn’t, I felt overwhelmed, guilty, and reactive. When I did, I felt calmer, lighter, and more present.

Psychologists call these unhelpful thought patterns cognitive distortions. They’re sneaky, automatic ways of interpreting situations that aren’t actually true—but they feel true in the moment. Left unchecked, they add unnecessary stress and friction to your days.

The good news? Once you spot them, you can manage them. And when you do, motherhood gets easier, calmer, and so much more fulfilling.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are distorted patterns of thinking that make situations feel more stressful than they actually are. Instead of seeing the full picture, your brain latches onto one extreme or negative interpretation and runs with it. Click here for a podcast episode I did on How To Stop Negative Thinking.

For example, you might think:

  • “If bedtime isn’t perfect, I’m a terrible mom.”
  • “Because this morning was chaotic, all mornings are awful.”
  • “My spouse is stressed at work, which must mean our marriage is in trouble.”

None of these thoughts are facts—but they feel true in the moment. And when you believe them, they add unnecessary friction, guilt, and overwhelm to your day.

The first step to changing them is recognizing them. So let’s look at seven of the most common cognitive distortions I see in motherhood (both in my own life and in coaching the 2,000+ moms I’ve worked with).

How Cognitive Distortions Steal Your Joy In Motherhood

Motherhood already comes with plenty of real challenges—sleepless nights, endless responsibilities, big emotions from little people. But what makes it feel heavier than it needs to be is often invisible: the way your mind is interpreting what’s happening.

When you’re caught in distorted thinking, everything feels more urgent, more overwhelming, and more personal than it really is. Instead of solving problems calmly, you spiral into stress. Instead of enjoying small wins, you only see what’s going wrong.

  • A tantrum becomes proof you’re failing as a mom.
  • A tough morning convinces you all mornings are awful.
  • A disagreement with your spouse feels like your marriage is falling apart.

This constant mental friction creates unnecessary pressure, guilt, and exhaustion. It’s not just a “thinking problem”—it directly affects how patient, present, and joyful you feel in motherhood.

The truth is: you can’t control every challenge your kids throw your way. But you can control how you manage your thoughts about those challenges. That’s why learning to recognize cognitive distortions is such a game-changer.

Mindset Resources:

7 Common Cognitive Distortions In Motherhood

There are seven cognitive distortions that show up repeatedly in motherhood that will make you feel like you’re more stressed and overwhelmed than you should be. Here’s a look:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Definition: Perceiving only two extreme options without a middle ground; thinking something is either all good or all bad.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “If my kids are struggling at all, it’s a bad thing and I need to fix it immediately.”
  • “If bedtime isn’t peaceful, then the whole evening was a failure.”

All-or-nothing thinking puts impossible pressure on you as a mom. It leaves no space for nuance or for the truth that most days are a mix of good and hard moments. When you’re caught in this distortion, you miss the middle ground—the space where progress, growth, and “good enough” actually live. Related: Mindset Tips For Type A Moms (podcast)

The result? You end up feeling like you’re failing, even when you’re not.

2. Overgeneralizing

Definition: Taking one negative event and assuming it means all similar situations will be the same.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “This morning was chaotic, so mornings are always awful.”
  • “My toddler had a meltdown at the grocery store—he’s never going to behave in public.”

Overgeneralizing makes hard moments feel permanent. Instead of seeing a single struggle for what it is, your brain stretches it into a pattern that defines every future situation. This adds unnecessary frustration and robs you of hope that things can (and do) go differently next time.

Resources:

3. Mental Filtering

Definition: Focusing only on the negatives in a situation while ignoring the positives.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “I yelled, we were late, my husband forgot to pick up dinner, and the kids were fighting.”

When your brain is in mental filtering, it creates a highlight reel of everything that went wrong while completely skipping over what went well. Maybe the kids also played nicely for part of the afternoon, or you got everyone out the door eventually, or you connected with your spouse later—but none of that even registers.

This distortion makes motherhood feel heavier than it actually is because your mind refuses to balance the picture. I wrote a blog post on 25 Mindset Tips For Moms that can help change your mindset and help you focus more on the positive aspects of motherhood.

4. Catastrophizing

Definition: Expecting the worst possible outcome and blowing problems out of proportion.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “If my child is struggling with friends now, they’ll never fit in.”
  • “If my baby isn’t hitting this milestone yet, something must be seriously wrong.”

Catastrophizing turns everyday challenges into worst-case scenarios. Instead of responding to what’s actually happening, your brain leaps into the future and imagines disaster. This creates anxiety and keeps you in constant problem-solving mode, even when there’s no real emergency.

Resources:

5. Personalization

Definition: Taking responsibility for things outside of your control and making circumstances mean something about you and your goodness. Learn how to get out of victim mentality in mother in this blog post.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “My child is having a tantrum—it must mean I’m a bad mom.”
  • “My spouse is stressed at work, so I must not be supportive enough.”

Personalization makes you the center of blame for everything around you. Instead of seeing your child’s behavior or your spouse’s mood as their own experience, you internalize it as your failure. This distortion fuels guilt and shame, leaving you constantly questioning your worth as a mom.

6. Mind Reading

Definition: Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually in a negative way.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “The other moms must think I have no idea what I’m doing.”
  • “My child’s teacher probably thinks I’m not involved enough.”

Mind reading creates stress out of thin air. Instead of focusing on reality, your brain invents judgments from others—and then reacts as if they’re true. This distortion chips away at your confidence and leaves you second-guessing yourself.

Resources:

7. Should Statements

Definition: Placing rigid rules or expectations on yourself (or others) about how things “should” be.

In motherhood, this might sound like:

  • “I should be more patient.”
  • “I should always enjoy playing with my kids.”
  • “My spouse should know how to help without me asking.”

Should statements add unnecessary pressure to your days. They create an idealized version of motherhood that no one can live up to, then leave you feeling like you’re falling short. This distortion breeds frustration and guilt, keeping you stuck in unrealistic expectations instead of accepting the reality of what is.

The Real Cost Of Cognitive Distortions In Motherhood

These seven distortions are only the beginning—psychologists have identified many more. Left unmanaged, they create a cycle of stress, guilt, and overwhelm that makes motherhood feel so much heavier than it needs to be. This is the work we do in my membership for moms. I have a whole class dedicated to Cognitive Distortions you get access to right away when joining my membership. More on that here.

I know this not only from my own life as a mom of three boys, but also from coaching over 2,000 moms in the last seven years. Again and again, I’ve seen how distorted thinking keeps moms stuck—believing they’re failing, questioning their worth, and missing out on the joy available to them.

The good news? These thought patterns are not permanent. They’re habits of the mind. Once you learn to identify and manage them, motherhood feels lighter, calmer, and so much more fulfilling.

That’s exactly why I teach about cognitive distortions inside my coaching membership. If this post resonated with you, I’d love for you to take the next step with me.

👉 Click here to get my Cognitive Distortions class where you’ll learn how to unwind negative thinking so you can reduce stress and show up as the mom you want to be.