My Favorite Habits, Routines, And Mindsets As A Mom Of Three

Welcome to Mom On Purpose, where it’s all about helping moms overcome challenges and live their best lives. My hope is by being here, you are more inspired to become the mom you are made to be. I’m Natalie, your host, a wife, boy, mom, dog, mama, Chicagoan, and former lawyer turned professionally certified coach. If you’re here to grow, I can help. Let’s go.

Hello, my beautiful friends. Welcome to the podcast. I’m so happy to be here with you today. Today’s going to be a fun one. I’m going to be talking about my favorite habits, routines, and mindsets As a mom of three, I don’t know what it is, but I look back at photos when I had my first son and it feels like I have lived three lifetimes since then, and for those of you who are new and don’t know, I had three boys in three years, so my kids are little and I love them and I love this journey and I love being a mom.

I love all of the things. And it is crazy the journey of motherhood and the growth that has happened in my life from just three or four years ago when I think back to first getting pregnant, it’s just, mind blowing the amount of growth that can happen in such a short amount of time. I recently reread a business book called 10 X is Easier Than two X by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And I was thinking about my life and how I 10 xd my personal life in a five year period. I mean, I went from single to married to having three kids within five and a half years. Isn’t that amazing? Now you have to be careful to whom you listen to because some people might say that’s rushing it, that’s you know, too fast or something like that. But you want to just notice the results that people have and that most people follow.

It’s a very slower paced type of lifestyle, and I’m just not about that. Now, I’m all about being slow and taking my time and being calm. I’m not talking about energy here. I’m talking about results. Like I don’t want to be working on results for a really long time that I want. That’s why I love the title of this book. It’s 10 x is Easier Than two x. And Dr. Benjamin Hardy actually talks about how he 10 x to his personal life and I think had six kids, some I think through adoption, some naturally in a like a really short amount of time as well. And I was just thinking about how that reframe of my personal life to oh yeah, I 10 Xed. It is just so motivating because it’s, it’s how I do everything and how I want to do everything because that’s how I can create new and different results that I want in my life.

I always have content ideas. I am always wanting to help and feeling inspired because I’m living in the transformations that I’m creating for myself. So most notably recently I lost 50 pounds. Isn’t that amazing? Can you believe that I lost 50 pounds in four months after having my third baby. There was something about that third pregnancy, my friends woo. It was my hardest and I’m so glad that it’s over. And I think just because of that and how I was feeling after having my baby, my body was the biggest it had ever been. And I just knew like I had to lose that weight and this was not going to be a forever goal. Like I did not want to do this for years. I wanted to do it in like a simple, sustainable, effective, and permanent way. And I’m just so proud that I was able to do that and use the tools that, I have.

I’m trained as a professionally certified weight loss coach. I don’t know if you know that or not. I don’t talk about it too much, but I am. And so I use my tools that primarily focus on reducing calories and not overhauling everything else, which I think is what most people do and why they get it all wrong, right? Because they focus on too many things at once. They want to overhaul their eating habits and overhaul their exercise and then also go into a calorie deficit and it’s just like so challenging and confusing and overwhelming. And I think that’s why most people quit. So I do it in a really simple, straightforward way and I’m really proud that I was able to do it this time around in a way that felt aligned with my life, as a mom, as a wife, as a homemaker, and having three littles and being postpartum.

And it’s just really awesome. So I did create a mini course documenting my journey of this, and I’m selling it right now alongside the mini course on Overcoming Perfectionism and Embracing Calm and Joy in Motherhood. So if you go on over to momonpurpose.com, you can just click Perfectionism course, or if you want, you can type in momonpurpose.com/minicourse and you will get all of the details there about the course. And at the bottom you can check that you want to add on the how I lost 50 pounds in four months after having my third baby, and you can get both there. Something I’m really proud of, excited to get out to you all and it’s not a prescriptive course of what you should do. Instead it’s just my story and my journey. And the same thing goes for the Perfectionism mini course.

I know for those of you who have already taken it, you’re just so connected to my story in it. And that’s really what these are about is just, helping you through my experience and my expertise. And I think that’s what makes this work just so special and important. It’s through the connections that we have with each other. So I’m so glad you’re here and part of this so that I can be and feel connected to you as well. All right, now let’s dive into today’s episode about my favorite habits, routines, and mindsets as a mom of three, when I became a mom of three, I quickly learned that chaos could be the default setting if I let it. We were living in South Carolina at the time. We had two dogs, we were, you know, married only a year prior. I was running a business full time and I just noticed that the way that I used to do things wasn’t the way that I would continue to do things.

I knew that I needed to kind of just reevaluate my habits, my routines, and also my mindsets. And so that’s kind of what I did. And I think the turning point was really after having a baby and becoming a mom, it’s just that your life is different and, and the routines and habits need to change and therefore the mindsets need to change as well. So I’m going to go through 10 of my favorites and I hope that they’re helpful for you. Number one is to shower and get ready in hair and makeup every day no matter what. Now this might sound easy if you’re thinking of just having one kid, right? Maybe, maybe not. But I now have three littles, three boys, three years old and under, and I still hold this as a really strict routine for myself. I think it’s so important. I was just listening to a podcast about a study that was done that actually proved how powerful it is when you are dressed up in a way that feels like success for you.

So it’s not like when I say I’m getting dressed up, I’m getting dressed up in like a fancy dress, nor am I getting dressed up in something I would’ve worn as an attorney, like a suit. I’m still wearing, you know, jeans and some sort of casual top. But when I think of rolling out of bed, it’s like sweats, athleisure, yoga pants, some version of that, not really showering or maybe just rinsing real quick, no makeup, throwing my hair back. The difference between that and momming after taking a shower, doing my hair and makeup, putting on nice quality, high quality jeans and a shirt that’s casual but I really like the difference between those two are night and day and I know that I feel so much better and I have to do a lot less mindset work if I get dressed, do my hair and makeup every single day.

So I really want to encourage you to do this. And you might be thinking, okay, well I already get dressed most days because I work or something like that. But what I want you to think about are the days that you don’t have to. Do you still shower and get ready for the day? Then whether it’s weekends, whether it’s on vacation, whether it’s, summer break, whether it’s just a day you have off. I think the way that you take care of yourself on your off days when no one can see you says a lot about how you view yourself and about what kind of level of confidence you have to create the life that you want. It’s just going to be very hard to create positive changes in your life if you look like you’re sick when you’re healthy and you are slumming it up on the couch.

Now I’m all for rest and relaxation. This is not intended to make you feel like you should be doing more and always go, go, go. And you know the pillar of productivity. Instead, it’s about intentionality. It’s about feeling good, it’s about feeling your best. It’s about showing up for you. Like I shave my legs every single day. I tell myself I’m allowed to skip one day just because that’s who I want to be. I wash my hair about every other day. I mostly curl it, sometimes straighten it. I put on at least some bare minimum makeup. And this is no matter what, most days no one sees me. Some days people do. Some days I have my, my calls inside the Mom On Purpose Membership and sometimes I go out into the actual real world, but it doesn’t matter. I want to get dressed for myself.

I really treat being a mom like a high performance job. So when I am getting dressed for a role that is a high performance job, it’s not, you know, rolling out a bed and putting on the next pair of sweatpants. It’s, I want to perform at my highest, not in an exhausting way, in a really fulfilling and energetic way. And so number one is to shower and get ready daily. Number two is to use a calendar, not a to-do list. Oh my word, my friends. I taught the most amazing Time Management course inside the Mom On Purpose Membership in the month of March that you can get if you join right now, you have to get in there and get it because it’s just amazing. What I will say for this specific point is that your brain responds to a to-do list out of urgency because it can’t conceptualize where everything goes on the to-do list in real time.

So it thinks, oh my gosh, I have so much to do. That’s pretty much the default when you see a to-do list, you can’t see, okay, this is going to happen today, this tomorrow, this is the next day and we’re going to go out two weeks with this to-do list, right? And what happens then is that more things get added to the to-do list. So you’re always acting in scarcity. You’ve got to stop using a to-do list and instead use a calendar, put everything on your calendar. The only list I ever make ever is my grocery list. That’s it. And I do that on an app or like on the, Reminders app, on my iPhone and my husband and I share that, list. So, so he’s on it and I’m in there and we can both add food throughout, you know, the couple days before we need to go back to the store.

And that’s the only list that I make at all. Otherwise I’m always using a calendar. And this includes appointments and events. It also includes tasks, it also includes anything that I don’t want to remember because I want to use my brain at a really high level. I don’t want to have my brain having to remember things that I could just put on my calendar. So use a calendar, not a to-do list. Number three is to carve out playtime with no screens. I think this is one of the best kind of habits that you can get into as a mom of any aged child living in your home, whether they are teenagers or whether they are babies and toddlers. There’s something so special about connecting with your kids, whether it’s all of them together or just one-on-one and your phone is put away, their tablets or whatever are put away, the TV is off.

There are no screens in sight. And I think that when you do this, you create so much more space for real connection. It can be that you are getting into their world and doing imaginative play and building forts. If you are a boy mom like me, maybe or it might be that you, go play outside with them and, and play a game or I don’t know, anything, anything that gets into their world, I think is a total game changer. Now, I wouldn’t suggest them coming into your world, so I wouldn’t suggest you inviting them to, you know, make dinner with you or something like that because that is something that really needs to be done for the family. And it will be connecting hopefully, but it’s just a little bit different than when you say, Hey child, I want to get into your world and do what interests you.

And my phone is away and I won’t be distracted. I mean, this can be for five minutes, it can be for 10 minutes. Of course it could be longer, but I just think that having that intentionality behind this habit can really add up to big results in your relationship with your kids. I think we’re so caught up often in the, tools of parenting and the challenges of parenting that sometimes we forget. It’s really just all about relationships. Relationships with our kids, relationships that will extend far beyond their childhood. And I think it’s important to remember that and cultivate could relationship skills throughout their time in our homes. That way it can extend when they leave the home. Okay, number four, think about being a mom, like a high performance job. I alluded to this in number one, but I want to expand on it here.

I treat motherhood with the same respect and strategy and preparation that I gave any of my prior careers, specifically as an attorney and as a certified financial planner. So I have a plan, I have goals. I take a look at what’s working and what’s not. I adjust as needed. I know that we are better when we get out of the house every day, you know, weather permitting and assuming that we’re all healthy. So I try to make that happen. I check the weather the night before and I come up with a plan for the next day. I make sure that I’m dressed, I hold myself accountable to having a good attitude. I think it’s easy to just go with whatever your default brain comes up with when you are a mom because it’s the home, but it’s the home, my friend. You set the tone, you create the culture.

Just like if you were leading a company or leading a team in corporate and you managed employees, you would be responsible for having a good attitude and setting the tone and being the kind of boss that people want to work for. That’s how I think about being a mom. And it is life changing. It’s not about perfection. In fact, I’m a big fan of making mistakes and repairing big fan of that. And it’s okay if I feel negative emotion as well. It’s not about hiding that and always being positive. But generally speaking, am I showing up with a good attitude? Am I feeling inspired? Do I have a plan for the day? Am I taking care and meeting my kids’ needs? Yes, yes, yes. And yes, most of the time then I feel like I am living into being the mom who I want to be.

And when I approach my days with this mindset, I am more prepared. I’m more patient, I’m more present, I’m more proactive, and I really feel like it creates a better result for my kids and my family. Okay, number five is to have a good attitude. Again, I sort of just talked about this because I think thinking about being a mom as a high performance job really encompasses a lot of this. But I want to lay out specifically some other points that really I think are worth having their own, point for in this podcast. And that includes number five, which is to have a good attitude. Attitude is everything. So when you focus on what’s wrong, that’s what expands your attention. Your focus is everything. Your entire day will shift if you start focusing on what you’re grateful for. I try to bring a sense of gratitude and playfulness into my home, even on hard days.

Something that I used to do that was really helpful that might be helpful for you if you find it really hard to have a good attitude or just like a lightness and playfulness in your home, is to imagine if you got a call right now and you won the lottery, like something ridiculous, like a hundred million dollars, how would you feel? It wouldn’t matter that the dogs are barking, that someone’s crying, that someone just drew on the walls, that someone didn’t do their homework. Like those things would still be important to you, but you would have a completely different energy. So whatever is happening in your circumstances is still going to be what’s happening in your circumstances. Your kids are going to have challenges, you are going to have challenges, but what you focus on and how you focus on them is within your control.

And so just think about your attitude. If you just got a call that you won the lottery and like how much fun that would be, I love this mindset shift because it really shows you the power of your mind and how your thoughts create your feelings versus thinking on default that it’s your circumstances that are creating your feelings. It’s not that at all. It’s always your attitude, it’s always your mindset. So hold yourself accountable. Number six, adopt the mindset. I’m a calm mom. If you feel like you get overwhelmed easily, you get stressed easily, that you yell easily, start living into the identity of becoming a calm mom. So if you think the thought, I am a calm mom and you don’t believe it yet, then add in sub qualifiers. Like every day I’m becoming more of a calm mom. Every day. I’m becoming more of a calm mom.

Right now is an opportunity for me to practice being a calm mom and repeat those thoughts daily, every day, all day, whenever you need them. And you will create that identity for yourself because your identity is what creates your actions, thoughts, create feelings, feelings. You have all of your actions. So if you believe that you are someone, you will live that out. If you believe that you are a calm mom, you’ll create that. And I think that that’s so important. I think, you know, just speaking from my own experience as that, like type A overachiever who also naturally goes into that activated stress response system and go, go, go type of energy. This mindset is something I’m so proud of that I got to because it wasn’t my default. And I think I was a little bit like addicted to that stress, to that activated urgency state.

And to be able to just allow the chaos outside of me and still feel calm. Now, it doesn’t mean I’m just sitting around doing nothing, right? Like

I’m holding boundaries. I am, you know, helping my kids. Maybe I’m separating them if they’re fighting, like I’m doing all the things, but I’m not taking on their emotions. I am also not just stressing out, freaking out. I’m, I’m calm and it’s such a beautiful gift that I’ve primarily just given myself, but also given my family as well. And I definitely think, it’s one that I highly recommend for you if you are home with your kids at all throughout any time actually. All right, number six, get out of the house daily when you are with your kids. Fresh air works wonders for all of us, whether it is a quick walk around the block, whether it’s a park adventure, whether it’s, you know, just playing in the driveway, in the cul-de-sac in the backyard, break up your day or at the end of the day when you get home from work or on the weekends, just make it a point to be outside.

You may already do this and not even realize how important it is, but it’s just hugely important. I remember coaching someone last year and she said, you know, I think it was her son. My son doesn’t want to go outside. And I said, okay, well if you want him to go outside, you can tell him it’s okay that you don’t want to go outside, you don’t have to want to go outside, you just have to go outside. It’s kind of like when a child says, I don’t want to go to school, the response I always give to my clients is to tell them, it’s totally fine that you don’t want to go to school, but you have to go to school. We want to validate their feelings. They don’t have to change what they want to do, but they have to do certain things. So you don’t ever have to want to go to school or ever have to like school.

And you also don’t have to want to go outside. But right now what we’re doing as a family is we’re going outside. Do you see how that is so much better than trying to get them to want to go outside or appreciate the outside or anything like that? I find that to just be so powerful. And speaking from my experience, my kids thrive outside. I mean, it is a game changer, especially if there are tantrums or fights or just kind of the, the chaos of having three boys. I’m telling you, it’s like magic. I love, love, love getting outside of the house daily with my little ones. I will say that in the winter it’s extremely hard to do and there are days where we don’t, we always get out of the house, so we’ll go to an activity or go do something, but we don’t often spend time outside if it’s the winter.

But other than that, I’m always outside. Number eight is to parent with the mindset that all feelings are welcome, all actions are not. I am obsessed with this parenting tool. It might be my top number one tool because it encompasses so much. So it is okay to feel however your kids want to feel. It is okay for them to feel anger or frustration or sadness. All feelings are welcome, but all actions are not. I won’t let you throw sand from the sandbox all over the patio. Speaking from personal experience. You’re frustrated about that. Okay, let’s do some frustration. I get it. You can’t have what you want right now. It is so hard to not get what you want. It’s a lifelong skill. You’re practicing right now. I hear you. And I can’t let you throw sand. And if you’re going to keep throwing sand, I have to remove the sand from you.

Not because I’m mad at you, not as a punishment, I just see that you’re having trouble with the sand. I’m always thinking to my kids, we’re on the same team and I’m practicing allowing their feelings with them, sitting with them in their feelings while still moving things along, but holding boundaries. And it’s just like the best combination. All feelings are welcome, all actions are not. And when I parent from this perspective, it requires zero use of punishments, but at the same time still allows me to have rules and boundaries and feel connected and respectful of my kids by allowing them to feel however they want to feel. Number nine is to untie your goodness from house chores, my beautiful friend, you are not a better mom if your house is clean. Did you know that? This is life changing? Let the laundry sit at least get to happiness or joy or calm or connection, and then go do the laundry.

Your kids are not going to remember if the laundry was done. They are going to remember your attitude and how they felt in your presence in your home. When you untie your goodness from your house chores and what’s done in your home, you give yourself permission to feel positive emotions. You give yourself permission to feel happy and joy. And this is really what that perfectionism mini course is all about. So if you aren’t in it yet, 10 outta 10, recommend it. Again, that’s momonpurpose.com/minicourse and I will teach you all about how to actually do this. But it has been life changing for me because I was someone who always tied my goodness to the outcomes. And I think we’re naturally just taught this. And as firstborn type a high achiever, this is definitely my go-to identity. And in motherhood, like there is no end of the to-do list.

There is no end of what needs to get done. And so for me, it was really important to untie how I thought about myself, my goodness, from things being done. And now I like to get things done just to get things done. Like that’s a good time, but it’s not because I then think I’m a good mom. So there’s a lot of self validation that’s required, but it’s so worth it when you do this work, my friend. Truly, you will feel calm, you will feel more connected to your kids. You won’t be so bothered by the everyday challenges. It is life changing work. I truly can’t imagine my life without it. The last habit, routine and mindsets that I want to share with you today is to have a structured routine. Even on off days. Structure isn’t the enemy of freedom in our house. It truly is the key to having freedom.

It allows me to have a good attitude because I know what I’m supposed to be doing because I’ve already planned it. I’m not sort of, you know, dancing between spontaneity and urgency. Trying to tell the difference between the two. Do you know what I’m talking about? Or you think you’re just going to have a off day and do nothing but have fun with your kids and then all of a sudden you’re bouncing between laundry and dishes and taking care of the home and running errands. And before you know it, it’s dinnertime and you don’t have a clue what happened that day. Okay? That is no way to live. It’s just, it’s just not going to produce the best results. And this really has to do with the brain. Your brain is wired for survival. So it’s going to be scanning for what’s wrong and it’s going to look at your home and see what’s wrong, and then that’s going to be right in front of you.

And so it is going to steal that freedom and spontaneity. And instead of doing fun and different things that you could have planned, instead, you are now doing the urgent things in front of you that your brain is perceiving as wrong and needs to be taken care of immediately. So interestingly, when you plan for activities or doing something fun, it creates way more freedom and I think connection with your family than if you otherwise left it to chance. So I’m a big fan of creating structure, even on your off days, whether it’s weekends or summer break, my friends, this can be a complete game changer. I know summer break is a really hard transition for so many moms in this community and going back to school. And I just want to offer to you that it doesn’t have to be that way. There still will be a transition because it will be a different routine, but I 10 outta 10 recommend that you actually have a routine.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, it just needs to be intentional so that everyone knows what they should be doing at a specific time, or at least in specific chunks of time, like getting ready for the day versus the morning half of the day versus lunchtime versus the afternoon half of the day. And then there’s dinnertime and then there’s after dinnertime, and then the bedtime routine. So if you just think about your day and those chunks on the off days, how do you want to spend it? And thinking about this from a really clear mind will offer so many different ways for you to have fun and incorporate play and the spontaneity that you want. And maybe it’s, you know, activities that you haven’t done in your city. You know, we live in Chicago and I can’t wait for nicer weather, so we can take the boys downtown and do some fun things.

And we definitely would not randomly choose to do that on an off day. We would, I don’t know, go grocery shopping and cook and take care of the house and maybe go to the park. Nothing wrong with that. There are those days too. But if you want to have a much more intentional experience of your life, I definitely recommend planning to some extent, having a routine on your off days. Alright, my beautiful friends, thanks so much for being here. I’m looking forward to answering more of your questions. So you can always call in to me at 8333-Ask-Nat. That’s 8 3 3 3 2 7 5 6 2 8. I will be answering more questions that I have kind of saved up in a bank on upcoming podcasts. So don’t hesitate to reach out and leave me a message. I’m the only one who will listen to those messages. And then if it’s a good fit for a broader audience, I will share it on an upcoming podcast. And with that, I will talk with you next week. Take care.

Thank you for being here and listening. Now, head on over to momonpurpose.com/coaching to learn more about the Mom On Purpose membership, where we take all of this work to the next level.