Becoming The Happiest, Healthiest You

Welcome to Mom On Purpose, where it’s all about helping moms overcome challenges and live their best lives. My hope is by being here, you are more inspired to become the mom you are made to be. I’m Natalie, your host, a wife, boy mom, dog mama, Chicagoan, and former lawyer turned professionally certified coach. If you’re here to grow, I can help. Let’s go.

Hello, my beautiful friends. Happy New Year. So glad to be here with you at the start of this fresh year. What better topic could we possibly be talking about than becoming the happiest, healthiest you? I take a completely different approach to the start of a new year than is typical for someone who loves and teaches personal development, but I think that I might be able to persuade you of why my way is actually a better way and a more sustainable way and a way that leads to the long-term results that you actually really want.

So I think that the start of a new year, the beginning of January, gets treated like this magical reset that, you know, we are saying is out with the the old and the bad and the habits that we don’t want to have, and in with the new and the new goals and the changes and everything’s going to get overhauled. And we sort of think of the start of a new year as like this beginning of good, healthier habits, but it comes every single year. So if that’s the case, then that means at some point there is a fall off and we get into what we might call our bad habits or habits that we wouldn’t want our highest self to be engaging with. So for example, I coach a lot of women privately on weight loss. If you are setting a new weight loss goal at the beginning of every single January, then what’s happening is throughout the year you are not achieving your goal.

You’re getting into some habits that you don’t like and you’re starting fresh again. And even if this isn’t something that you’re doing every year, if you’re doing it this year, at some point throughout the year, you got into some habits with food, most likely maybe with exercise, with overeating, with emotionally eating, with eating too many sweets or sugars or whatever it is for you. Whereby you wanted to start fresh January one. And I do like kind of the the collective momentum that we all have around personal development in January. But why can’t we just all have that all the time? That is my pitch to you. So that January is more of just like a rolling hill and that May and March and September and December are months where you are just as committed to your goals and being the person who you want to be.

That is kind of my approach. And that’s not to say that you can’t still enjoy a reset or a new goal at the beginning of January. I just think that goals don’t really work in 12 month containers all the time. In fact, most of the time I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of one goal that I set that it was an exact 12 months to accomplish it. It just wasn’t. Now I’ve certainly made shifts and changes within a year, but a perfect example of this is my weight loss journey of losing 50 pounds after having my third baby last year. I did that in four months. I could have never predicted that it was going to take four months. So again, my approach to goal setting, and I talk about this inside the Mom On Purpose Membership, is that I set a goal and I make it very specific and trackable, but I don’t necessarily make it time bound.

And I think the reason that this works really well is because we don’t know how long it’s going to take. And in fact, the people who swear by, you know, using time to set a goal, there are usually also people who say, if you don’t achieve your goal in that time, just keep going. And so it’s like, okay, well then like what’s the point of the time in the first place? And I think the answer to that is so that you are measuring and going all in and making tweaks and changes along the way, but I just do that anyways. Right? And a perfect example is my weight loss journey. Last year, 50 pounds and four months, I had no idea how long it was going to take. If I would have said I wanted to lose 50 pounds in four months and I was postpartum with three under four, I think that would’ve felt very overwhelming.

I think it would’ve felt like pressure and I don’t think it would have been the right emotion fuel for me. Instead, I wanted to focus on creating this result in a simple doable way, tracking, my weight with my daily weigh-ins, going into a calorie deficit and eating less. So I’m doing mild doable hunger. If you want to lose weight as an aside, head on over to momonpurpose.com/body, make sure you are subscribed to my weight loss for high achieving moms audio program. Every single week I drop a brand new weight loss training, sharing exactly the steps that I took to lose weight, as well as how I’m helping many moms and clients lose weight in my private coaching containers as well. So for me and doing that work, I didn’t make my goal time bound and doing that would have been I think, unhelpful for me.

But I am also someone who believes in tracking the goal and making it specific and working on the goal in a way that is really like outcome focused. So we’re not just going to talk about thoughts and feelings all day. We’re going to measure our actions and see what the results of those actions are doing the mindset work alongside it. It’s not one or the other, it is both. So what does this have to do with you as we start the new year? Well, I just want to invite you to check in with yourself and see how your goal setting process, see how your planning of the year process feels for you. So I really checked in with myself this year and I’m like, should I be doing more? It just seems like all of the content out there and I’m a, you know, personal development and mindset coach and motherhood coach, like should I really be doing more with respect to goal setting?

And I, and I asked myself like, what’s the point of the goal setting? And the point is to make a change and achieve an outcome that you really deeply desire. And I do that, I do that all the time, actually, in fact, when I think back to the life that I once wanted, it is the life that I have now. Like that is the definition of of being future focused, of setting achieving goals. Like what the work that I’ve done with money, the work that I’ve done in my business, the work that I’ve done to create my family and my marriage and my home and just my life, like every single area of my life has had this positive ripple effect. Not to mention all of the inner work of being a calm and present mom and trapping into my feminine and out of that alpha female role, like those shifts and transformations I have done, you know, continuously since I started this work, you know, over a decade ago.

And I will continue to do, and none of it has required having this like January one huge push of momentum to set a goal. Okay, so now you know my thoughts and feelings and what I want to empower you to do is to check in with yourself. Like what, what results do you want that you’re not creating? What do you want to be different? I do think that this time can be a great time for reflection and to ask yourself what changes do you want to make that you’re not making? And what is going to be different about this year? So you take the same brain with you. That’s why I am a firm believer that everyone needs a coach. You need a coach, not because you don’t know what to do, but because you have a primitive brain and you need help managing that primitive brain so that you do the things that you know you’re supposed to do.

So with that, I do think this time of year can be amazing for reflecting and thinking about the changes you want to make, thinking about the skills that you want to get better at. Maybe you want to get better at processing your emotions and parenting and holding boundaries and feeling calm. Maybe you want to get better at connecting with your spouse and just feeling genuinely connected given the demands of, you know, the season of motherhood you’re in. Maybe you are an empty nester and you want to get better at you know, defining this season of life and, and living into your purpose, truly thinking that the best years are ahead not behind you. You know, it’s not to say that you can’t have new intentions and set new goals. I, do think like that’s awesome. I just want you to untie it from the start of the new year because if you’re always waiting till the start of the new year, goals and transformations just don’t work in 12 month containers.

Now I will say one caveat to this is sort of like, like family planning for the year specifically for us is one example is like with respect to travel. So certain things, you know, just like accounting for example, do run on a 12 month cycle, but goals and transformations are just not that way. Now for my family, when I think about, okay, what travel do we want to do this year, I love thinking about that at the start of the new year because that is time bound to 12 months. It’s a great kind of pause for thinking about what do I want to do differently? What do we want to do together? My husband, Steve and I as a family with respect to travel, do we still like that we are doing more local,road trip adventures? And if you’re curious, with three, four and under the answer is absolutely yes.

And there will be seasons and years to come where we’re flying more and, and you know, traveling more frequently. For us, this works really well. So for me, the start of a new year and thinking about those types of questions and specifically that type of planning that is time bound to 12 months is extraordinarily helpful. There might be other things for you, like my, you know, being a business owner, my mind goes to just the accounting period ending and you know, the start of a new year for business because that runs on a 12 month cycle. But when we talk about becoming the happiest, healthiest you, that doesn’t run on a 12 month cycle. And so I want to empower you with tools in your tool belt that you can just use ongoing because that’s who you want to be. I’m not doing my job. If in April and May you’re focused on yolo, it’s the summertime and then coming back around again next January, it’s just not going to be creating the life that you want.

And so I like to think about this time of year and January as like the icing on top or the cherry on top or the sprinkles. It’s like not the main dish. It’s not the main cake, it’s just a little bit on top that adds to the momentum that you already have for your life. Because becoming the happiest healthiest to you is about your potential that you’re always living into. And the way that I teach this inside the Mom On Purpose membership and inside, you know, my higher level high touch containers, private coaching, my masterminds is thinking about your life in terms of one to 10 and how your desires are a level 10. And when you reach and achieve those desires, they then drop back to a three and you continue to roll forward into that next level 10. So for example, there was a time where me getting married and having kids was my 10 out of 10 experience.

There was a time when I was single, living in the city in Chicago, living my best life, but I deeply wanted to get married and start a family and have my own kids. And so the thought of being married with a child, let alone being married with three kids, that was my 10 out of 10. Well, guess what? I have created that now. And so now that is my new life. Now how I want to think about it is right now where I’m at is a three out of 10. But here’s the thing, not from lack, not from, that’s not enough. But instead from what do I want to grow into, if this is my new 10 now I want the next 10. So thinking about your life as a three, again, once you’ve created what you want, not from lack, not from, it’s not enough, but from the place of we are human beings designed to want more.

Again, you have to have done the work on being content with where you’re at and loving where you’re at. But that is not complacency. And part of one of the purposes of being a human is to grow, is to want more. So I’m always saying, yes, your kids want more. Let them want more. Don’t squash that part of you always coaching moms on tapping into what they want because they don’t know. And you have to let your desires breathe and set big goals. And you know, not because you’ll beat yourself up if you don’t achieve them, but because your brain needs a problem to focus on. And if you don’t give it one, it’s going to focus on the house being a mess and, the problems that your kids are having. And you’re going to try to fix stuff that doesn’t need to be fixing instead of focusing on your future and creating more of what you want.

And that is such a beautiful growth journey. So for me, it was getting married and having a family and now I have that and I get to expand my capacity to have that and get to live that out. And now there are challenges with that, right? I do all of the parenting work and the mindset work and the marriage work and the challenges that come along with having a family and dogs and kids and, and all the things, right this big life. But my capacity expands because I do this work to expand my skill sets. And above and beyond that I’m setting achieving other goals. So last year after having my third baby, it was a weight loss goal. I achieved that. Now I’m setting and achieving big goals in my business. I want to serve more moms and reach more moms. And so my mind is focused on how do I do that?

How do I reach more moms and testing and finding out what works in my business? And I love it, but it is so not tied to January 1st. And so I think January 1st can just be misleading. I want you to use it to your advantage with momentum, but not something that is like a complete reset every year. I don’t want you to have to need or have to have that reset every year. I want you to be living in the breakthrough, living in your transformation, living in your goals throughout the year. And these don’t necessarily have to be external goals that other people are aware of doing the inner work of kinda shifting from this type a alpha female to being a more calm and present. Mom is, if not, you know, the top one of the top transformations I’ve ever had. And that is not one that people ever comment on, congratulate me for or see.

It’s not about that. It’s about my experience. And so the shifts that you want to make, I I just want to encourage you to look inward for those. I know that it’s mostly high achieving moms who are listening. And so with that, a great goal for you is to take a nap on a Monday in the middle of the day. Okay? Now I’m, I’m saying that if you’re working in the middle of the day, that is not, you know, meant for you to use that against yourself. What I mean is a real goal for you is to like slow down and be present and connect and be in your being energy of softness and receptivity and flow and be able to shift in and out of that and be able to set and achieve big goals and do all the things, but also to stop, to let go and to play and not think that by resting or taking up space or relaxing or asking for help or receiving that you are less than or not good enough.

So many of you listening, that should be your work and setting another arbitrary goal or doing an arbitrary detox for 30 days. It’s fun for you, but it’s not like the big shift. And again, like no shade on that, do all the health goals that you want. But for a lot of you listening, the real work, the work that will make the biggest difference for you is internal. And I truly think to be the mom that you want to be to parent the way that you want to parent, you need to be working on becoming the happiest, healthiest you. And what does that even mean? That means doing the inner work of managing your mind, managing your emotions so that you can show up as the mom who you want to be. It’s not something that is done, it’s not a box you check.

So with some goals you do check boxes. I checked a box that said I lost 50 pounds. That’s fun. But for managing my emotions, for showing up in my warm and firm energy as a leader and mom in my family, that is ongoing inner work that I do of using my thought work framework to identify my thoughts and pull them apart and create better feeling thoughts. That is how I can show up not in self pity, not in frustration, not in kind of that low grade dissatisfaction or resentment or anger. Instead, I can process my feelings and show up with calm connection, playfulness, emotions that were previously just foreign to me. And I, I genuinely thought that’s just because that’s how I was. I did not realize that emotions are like skills. You are very, very practiced in the emotions that you repeat day in and day out.

But you can learn new emotions and practice those new emotions so that they become part of your default. And just take my experience as evidence. If you can’t imagine that, please know that it’s true. I remember vividly feeling like working less was terrifying. I felt literal terror in my body at the thought of that, at the thought of doing less at the thought of just being present. Like feeling like, well how’s everything going to get done? Like that’s just not possible. And now it’s a complete 180. I still have the part of me that gets things done and sets and achieve big goals. I can still access that doer more masculine part of me that is productive and plans. I love that part of me. And I also can bring forth whenever I want on demand, the part of me that is content and grounded and calm and connected and playful and sees a mess and isn’t triggered and is silly and actually is present with my kids in my energy.

My mind isn’t racing to the next thing or the next to do. I can be there without moving the day along. And these are skills, they’re skills that you can learn. It’s exactly what we do inside the Mom On Purpose Membership. In fact, this month it is all about decluttering your life and mind. It’s a brand new masterclass that I’m talking about. decluttering your inner wellbeing of your mental and emotional state as well as your environment, as well as your personal self-image and style. And then in the next few months, we are diving into some incredible masterclasses. Next month I am teaching a masterclass on Connected Parenting where I’m going to be teaching a brand new parenting framework, how to hold boundaries, connect with your kids and show up as the mom you genuinely want to be. And this spring I’m going to be teaching classes on the skill of being a present mom.

Yes, that is a skill as well as creating and developing your own purpose and identifying your priorities so that you can live into both to show up as the mom you want to be. So that’s already the first quarter plus some, the first four months of the year. And this work, again, it’s like the mental and emotional gym. It’s not done. So I want you to be doing the work in May and in September and in December again, because if we just have this momentum at the start of the year, then who are you being in March and May and December? And that’s why in December last month I taught a class on life-changing decisions that aren’t goals because I think sometimes we can get too excited about our goals without realizing the work required. And so we overdo it and we set multiple goals. So what you can do instead is make some decisions that can be really life changing.

And again, with your goals and with your decisions, I want you to feel really grounded and connected. Because if the high is too high, then the low is going to be too low. I want you to be steady and just have these little rolling hills of emotion. That’s not to say that we can’t get really excited about our goals, awesome, but if you need that, it’s going to be really hard to stick with it if your lows are really low. Again, ’cause I coach a lot of clients on weight loss. It’s like, you know, if, if you gain a few pounds or if something happened you didn’t expect with your weight or you eat off plan, it’s like how quickly can you pivot from that? And do you have the skillset of being that a player to turn it around and to move forward to achieve the thing that you most want?

Like that’s what we’re working on so that you can become someone who just sets goal after goal after goal. Because if you already knew how to do the thing, you would already have done it. And so I love a good goal. I love, you know, making a decision that’s life changing. Like, you know, I’m just going to decide to go to bed at 10:00 PM or I’m going to decide to get up at 5:00 AM whatever you can make those decisions all day long. But do them from a place of groundedness, not from a place of my goals job is to entertain me. And this is just like fun entertainment. Do it from a place of like, this is just who you are. And I think really because that’s who I am, I am always working on becoming the happiest, healthiest version of me. While at the same time, like knowing that internally I’m good enough and I don’t need to do this, I don’t have to do this, I just do it because it makes my life more fun.

And I do it because I am ambitious and I like to, grow into that desire for more that I think we’re all naturally born with and it really fulfills me. But that’s because I do along side the goal setting work, the inner work. So I don’t think that I have to achieve my goals in order to feel good enough. And it’s such a freeing, liberating place because you know, God forbid something happened in my circumstance that would change it. Or a perfect example actually is when I’ve been pregnant in the past, it’s like, you know, my capacity physically was a lot lower. And so adjusting for that not a problem at all. Maybe some, you know, light sadness, but it’s not a big deal because I haven’t tied my worth to the goal. The goal is just something fun to do because that’s how I want to live my life.

But I know that my life is always happening for me and the challenges that I am experiencing are shaping me. And so I want to encourage you to think about working on yourself as not working on the inner being of you. You are perfectly made, you are 100% worthy and there’s nothing you have to do to earn that. And you’re a human being. And so you have skills that you’re really great at and other skills that you know, show up in ways that aren’t you at your best, highest self. And let’s work on those skills just because that’s who you want to be, not because you need that validation. Give yourself the validation and work on these skills just because that’s who you want to be this upcoming year. Work on them all year long. Join us inside the Mom On Purpose membership and every single month you’ll get a brand new masterclass and you get access to a private podcast, which has a new coaching call live on it every single Monday that you can also attend if you want or listen to the replay, which is what most members do.

You also get mindful messages every day. There’s not a coaching call and not a podcast. Which brings me to the third thing that I want to talk to you about, which is this Wednesday podcast, I only pop in here now for public podcasts once a month. But inside the membership, every single Wednesday you get a podcast episode, which really is a deep dive training. I do not add fluff in there. I am giving you specific actions and the tactics for how to apply the inner work and all of these positive psychology tools to show up as the mom you want to be. So every single week you get five days of content, Monday through Friday on the private podcast and in your membership portal, which let me just toot my own horn here is very easy to use and user friendly. I tend to forget this.

And then I join a program and I am reminded that I am so proud of the way that this membership is delivered. And I want you to know that, that I really take pride in over-delivering, getting the content to you, making it easy and user friendly. I know so many of you are busy moms Private podcast is a must have. And also you can watch the replays and the videos inside your private portal. Everything is in both places and it is, you know, very accessible, very budget friendly, very much designed for the high achieving mom in mind. I also want to mention that I do all of the coaching calls. Okay? So every single Monday I’m the one coaching you and I’m the one creating and developing the new content and delivering the new content on the new masterclasses month after month. So 12 months of masterclasses, 52 ish coaching calls, one a week mindful messages dropped.

You know, on the days where there aren’t coaching calls and aren’t podcasts, which is roughly three a week. And those are just little nuggets of wisdom and tools and bite-sized chunks for you to have this work in your ear. Positive psychology tools and stories and just that inspiration to help you apply this work. And then again, 52 podcasts that you get on that private podcast. And so there is, you get all of this for under $1,200 a year. It is literally a steal, particularly because it’s direct access to me in a group coaching setting compared to a lot of other programs and memberships where you are getting the leader of that program’s coaches, you are not hearing from the person who is the one who developed the program.

As much as when you are in my membership, it’s me, it is me by design. And I just want to invite you to do this work this year because I do think it is the best work that you can ever do to become the happiest, healthiest you join us over at momonpurpose.com/coaching. And I would love to see you inside. Take care.