Being a mom is one of the most rewarding and challenging roles. From pregnancy to parenting, moms face numerous physical, emotional, and mental demands that can take a toll on their wellbeing. Self-compassion is imperative to enjoying motherhood, because without it, it’s so common to fall into the comparison trap, experience unnecessary mom-guilt, and have a lot of negative self-talk.

What is self compassion?

Before diving into why it’s so important, when I refer to “self compassion” I’m referring to treating yourself with kindness, care, and understanding. Self compassion also means acknowledging and validating your own emotions and needs, without judgment or criticism.

The three core components of self compassion are self kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self kindness means being gentle and supportive towards oneself, rather than harsh or critical.

Common humanity means recognizing that everyone experiences pain, failure, and imperfection, rather than feeling isolated or alone in one’s struggles.

Mindfulness means being present and aware of one’s own thoughts and emotions, without suppressing or avoiding them, and without becoming overly identified with them.

Together, these components create a powerful foundation for self-compassion, which can lead to greater self acceptance, resilience, and wellbeing.

I don’t know about you, but I still can stand to improve of each of these areas. Instead of trying to master them, I think about it like a skill I can always practice and improve upon. So no need to beat yourself up for not being more self compassionate! This is where doing the work comes into play.

Reasons Why Self Compassion Is Important To Being A Happy Mom

So, why is self compassion so important to being a happy mom? There are eight reasons I want to share with you.

1. Self compassion is essential for mental and emotional wellbeing.

As a mom, you may experience a wide range of emotions, such as joy, love, frustration, anger, guilt, or anxiety. By treating yourself with the same care and compassion you would give to your child or a friend, you can reduce your own negative emotions. This means decreased stress, anxiety, overwhelm, guilt, frustration, and more. When your mental and emotional wellbeing are in check, you have the added benefit of showing up more as the mom you want to be (that could be less yelling, less reacting, etc.).

2. Self compassion reduces negative self-talk.

Self-compassion allows you to be kinder and more understanding towards yourself, reducing negative self-talk and self-criticism. Negative self-talk sounds like, “why can’t I get this right?” or “I’m not good enough” or “they deserve better.” It’s subtle and sneaky, and it damages your relationship with yourself. Self compassion offers a way to be kind to yourself and still work on yourself to improve. From understanding and curiosity you can change your behaviors (if you want to). Negative self talk is not required.

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3. Self compassion helps you cope with the challenges of motherhood.

Motherhood comes with many challenges, such as sleep deprivation, decision-making, parenting, and balancing work and family life. Self compassion enables you to acknowledge and validate your own emotions and needs, without judgment or criticism. By recognizing that you are not alone in your struggles, and that all moms face difficulties, you can cultivate a sense of common humanity that can ease your burden and increase your resilience.

4. Self compassion improves your relationships with others.

As a mom, you are not only responsible for your own wellbeing, but to a certain extent, you likely feel responsible for the wellbeing of those you care for, including your kids, spouse, and home. Self compassion promotes empathy and understanding towards others, as well as towards yourself. By being kinder and more patient with yourself, you can also be kinder and more patient with others. This can lead to better communication, deeper connections, and more fulfilling relationships.

I like to think of judgment like fog: you can’t discriminate where the fog is. If you’re in fog, it’s foggy everywhere. The same is true of judgment. When you’re harsh and critical towards yourself, you’ll likely be that way towards others. And the same is true of self compassion. If you’re compassionate towards yourself, you have the skill to apply it towards others.

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5. Self compassion helps you avoid burnout.

Being a caregiver, whether it’s for your children, your aging parents, or your community, can be draining and exhausting. Self compassion helps you avoid burnout by promoting self-care practices. By taking breaks, delegating tasks, seeking support, and practicing self compassion, you can prevent exhaustion and replenish your energy and motivation.

CLICK HERE to learn about the six types of self care and how to apply them to your life.

6. Self compassion enables you to model healthy self-care behaviors to your kids.

As a mom, you’re often a role model for your kids. By practicing self compassion, you can teach your kids to value their own wellbeing and practice self compassion as well. This can help them develop a healthy sense of self-confidence, resilience, and kindness. By modeling healthy self-care, you can show your kids that it’s essential for a happy and fulfilling life.

7. Self compassion helps you let go of perfectionism.

Many moms may feel pressure to be perfect in every aspect of their lives, from their appearance to their parenting skills. However, perfectionism can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout, and can prevent you from enjoying the present moment. Self compassion helps you let go of perfectionism by embracing your imperfections and acknowledging your limitations. By practicing self-kindness and common humanity, you can create a more compassionate and accepting mindset that frees you from the burden of perfectionism.

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8. Self compassion is a lifelong habit that can lead to greater happiness, fulfillment, and resilience.

Self compassion is not a one-time achievement, but a lifelong practice. Just like parenting, self compassion requires patience, effort, and dedication. By cultivating self compassion, you can develop a more resilient, compassionate, and fulfilling approach to motherhood and life.

A Final Note

Self compassion isn’t selfish. It’s taking care of yourself. As the saying goes on airplanes, you have to put on your mask before helping others. The same is true with motherhood: when you take care of yourself you’re able to show up in your life for yourself and for everyone else in the very best way.