The transformation I’m the most proud of is the work I’ve done to have a loving, stable, thriving family. All that started with how I approached dating and ultimately my marriage. Because I did so much personal development work to get here, I’m acutely aware of the challenges that come up for high achieving moms in marriage.

If this is you—and you’re like me, the first born, type-Aer who wants to thrive in her marriage—here’s some real marriage advice that can help:

What High-Achieving Moms Often Get Wrong In Marriage

Let’s start off with the most common patterns that tend to show up in marriage for type-A moms (that I personally can identify with, too):

1. Trying To Control Or “Fix” Your Husband

As a high achiever, you’re used to managing things down to the smallest details. But sometimes, this drive for perfection can spill over into your marriage, leading you to try to control how your husband parents, organizes, or even relaxes. While it might seem efficient, it can create tension and leave your spouse feeling criticized or undermined.

2. Being Hyper-Critical

You have high standards, and spotting areas for improvement comes naturally. But in marriage, this can lead you to be more critical of your spouse than you intend, pointing out flaws or habits that could be “better.” Over time, constant critique can chip away at your connection, making your partner feel judged rather than supported.

3. Expecting Your Spouse To Meet All Your Needs

You likely push yourself to excel in all areas of life, including family, personal growth, and self-fulfillment. This can sometimes translate into expecting your spouse to be everything: a teammate, best friend, confidant, and emotional supporter. It’s a lot for one person to fulfill, and it can lead to frustration when those expectations aren’t fully met.

4. Putting Your Relationship On The Back Burner

With kids, work, and personal goals, it’s easy to put your marriage on hold, thinking you’ll make time “once everything else is under control.” But when the demands keep piling up, your relationship may get less and less attention. This habit can erode the partnership and connection that help sustain a strong marriage.

Practical Marriage Tips To Build Connection

The next step is to change the patterns above.

Here are some of my favorite marriage tips to do just that:

1. “Let” Your Spouse Be Himself

When you allow your spouse to simply be who he is, without trying to change him, you invite more peace and authenticity into your marriage. This doesn’t mean accepting behaviors that aren’t respectful or healthy, but it does mean allowing space for your partner’s unique approach, quirks, and perspectives. Instead of focusing on what you wish he’d do differently, try acknowledging what you love and appreciate about him. When you shift from control to acceptance, you’ll likely find that he feels more seen and valued—and this often deepens connection.

I like to say, “I want Steve to be the most Steve, Steve he can be.” This often looks different than what I imagine. But I don’t want him to be a “Natalie-ish Steve.” I want him to be himself. That is truly loving someone.

2. Journal About Who You Want To Be As A Wife

Taking time to reflect on who you want to be in your marriage can bring a fresh perspective and intention to your role as a wife. In your journal, write down qualities you admire in other wives or even in yourself when you’re at your best. Consider the type of partner you’d want to be if life were more relaxed and balanced. By connecting with this vision, you can start setting small, actionable goals to embody these qualities daily. This practice helps shift focus from frustrations or challenges in your marriage to the positive influence you can bring into the relationship.

Click Here to Download 75 Free Journal Prompts

3. Schedule Self Care To Meet Your Needs

High-achieving moms often place everyone else’s needs above their own, but nurturing yourself is vital to creating a balanced, happy marriage. Rather than relying solely on your spouse to meet your needs, make self-care a priority. Schedule time for activities that fill you up, whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or quiet moments to yourself. When you’re fulfilled, you’re less likely to lean too heavily on your spouse for emotional support, and you’ll show up in your marriage feeling more grounded and connected.

I often coach clients on the mindset, “it’s my job to do everything for everyone always.” This mindset will leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed. Remind yourself that’s not true. Take care of yourself like you would someone else in your family. That is a gift only you can give yourself.

4. Shift Resources Towards Your Marriage

Just like you invest in your career or kids, consider how you can invest in your marriage. This might mean scheduling regular date nights, planning a weekend getaway, or even setting up a quiet evening at home for just the two of you. Shifting time, energy, or finances to nurture your relationship signals that your marriage is a priority, and it creates opportunities for you both to connect without distractions. Regularly devoting resources toward each other builds trust, love, and a shared commitment that can strengthen the partnership even through life’s busiest seasons.

I like to “work” on my marriage because I care about it—not because something is wrong or needs to be fixed. With this approach, you can get ahead of challenges, so you’re taking care of your marriage in a way that serves you both in the future.

A Final Note

if you find yourself in the critical, judgmental energy towards your spouse the good news is, all you have to do is work on you! This blog post is just a start. Inside the Mom On Purpose Membership, we have a Marriage Toolkit that helps you increase intimacy and connection in your marriage. Learn more here: Mom On Purpose Marriage Toolkit

Up Next: Marriage Resources For Type-A Moms: