Positive Marriage Mindset Tips

With the day to day logistics of managing a family and household, it’s not surprising when there’s stress in a marriage. Whether you’re feeling irritated with your spouse now, or you just want to avoid that from happening in the future, this list of positive marriage mindset tips to improve your marriage can help.

Positive Marriage Mindset Tips To Increase Connection

Changing how you think about your marriage will help you become the best wife you can be in your circumstances. Your marriage mindset will either help support you or it will hurt you and make things worse.

Below is a list of my best seven tips I use with my clients to help them navigate challenges in their marriages so they can feel more connection, love, and respect.

Tip 1: Accept where you’re at without judgment.

If you feel irritated with your spouse, allow yourself to accept where you’re at without judging yourself.

Judgment sounds like “I shouldn’t be like this” or “he shouldn’t do that.” Judgment is when you think you know better. It’s resisting what is.

Judgment isn’t helpful because you won’t be able to connect with yourself nor your spouse; judgment is disconnecting.

Resources:

Tip 2: Shift into curiosity.

The solution to judgment is curiosity. Curiosity sounds like, “I wonder why I’m showing up this way?” or “I wonder what’s going on for him?” Curiosity is much more connecting than judgment.

Curiosity helps you explore what’s really going on so you can prioritize feeling connected to your spouse, instead of trying to control him.

Tip 3: Focus on what you can control—you.

It’s natural to want to focus on changing your spouse because it seems like they’re the reason you feel how you’re feeling. But the problem with this (aside from the fact that your thoughts create your feelings) is that you can’t control your spouse. They have the agency to think, feel, and act however they want. If you’re anything like me, you’ve also likely tried (much to no avail) and only find yourself feeling more stressed, irritated, and out of control.

This is why it’s to your benefit to focus on what you can control, which is you. Your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? One of my favorite questions to ask is, “Who do I want to be in my marriage?” Ask yourself this question and you’ll almost instantly feel more empowered because it shifts your focus back to what you can control.

Tip 4: Take a marriage mindset course.

Inside Mom On Purpose Membership, I teach a marriage course called the Marriage + Relationship Toolkit. You get lessons on becoming the wife you want to be, regardless of your circumstances in your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a rut, you want to set boundaries, or you want more intimacy and connection, you’ll learn how to do all of it.

Tip 5: Live in the “and” of both good and bad.

Whenever you feel frustrated or upset with your spouse, a quick mindset shift to help you feel more connected is to do what I call “living in the ‘and’ of both good and bad.”

For example, you might say, “I feel frustrated my spouse is complaining so much, and I still love him deeply.” You embrace both the good and the bad of your spouse and your marriage.

Resources:

Tip 6: Set a daily intention about your spouse.

It’s easy to wake up and jump right into the to-do list for the day, but that often leads to low grade energy (ie rushing around). To keep your marriage a priority, set a small intention in the morning for the type of wife you want to be.

For example, I might write at the top of a journal next to my bed, “today I want to be a loving, kind wife.” This helps me focus on what I can control (which is me) and how I show up in my marriage.

Resources:

Tip 7: Change the channel in your brain.

Whatever you focus on is what you’ll create more of. If you’re focused on everything your spouse is doing wrong, you’ll create a lot of disconnection in your marriage. If you “change the channel” in your brain and start to focus on what you love about your spouse, you’ll create more and more connection. This is sometimes hard to do because the brain thinks it’s useful to pay attention to what’s wrong (i.e.: what’s negative). But you 100% can train your brain to start to notice the good things about your spouse and your life just by doing mindset work.

A Final Note!

All marriages are unique and have their challenges, and while you can’t control your spouse, you can control how you show up as the wife you want to be. Start by working on your mindset, so that no matter what your circumstances, you can navigate it feeling confident, loving, and empowered.