Mindfulness helps you bring awareness to your life, and one of the best ways to do that is to apply these tips to your marriage.

I’ve used these tips to help hundreds of my clients inside Grow You improve and strengthen their marriages, as well as using them in my own marriage.

If you want to increase connection and reignite your marriage, these tips can help.

Tip #1: Let go of control.

When you were dating, you likely had a list of things you were looking for in a husband. That list helped you meet your spouse, which is great. What’s not so great is how that list is now something that you expect your husband to check off with every decision he makes.

He can’t do anything right and isn’t enough for you. All because of this made up list.

The way to become more connected is to throw away the list. Drop your expectations. Let him be him.

Stop cheating on your husband with his potential.


Tip #2: Redecide and recommit.

One of the most powerful, future focused questions to ask yourself is: do you WANT to be married to your spouse? 

This is better than “do you appreciate your spouse?” because there’s something future-focused about it. When you answer a question about what you want to do, it’s based on the future, not the past.

When you think from your future, you draw in the life you want to live. So answer this question and repeat the answer to yourself, almost like a mantra. This will help you stay focused on how much you love your guy (instead of on your list!).


Tip #3: Meet your own needs.

The purpose of marriage is for two people to come together to love each other. It’s not a fairytale meant for you to find prince charming and then have him meet your needs.

At first, this may sound terrible, but it’s the opposite. When two, whole, healthy people come together and want to give to each other, it’s magic.

This means taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs (something I teach at length inside Grow You). Be sure to prioritize yourself and meet your needs, so you can be the partner to your spouse that you want to be.

Tip #4: Notice negative thoughts and change them.

Your mindset about your marriage is what creates your experience. If you feel happy in your marriage it’s because of your thoughts. If you feel disconnected in your marriage it’s also your thoughts.

That’s not to say you don’t want to have those thoughts. I’m not saying that. You might want to have them. But it’s your job to decide on purpose instead of on default.

What you focus on you will find.

Low grade negative or sarcastic thoughts will degrade your marriage. Mental rehearsal of a dream marriage.

When you join Grow You you get immediate access to the Marriage + Relationship Toolkit, which will show you how to mentally rehearse a mindset that serves you.

Tip #5: Focus On Who You Want To Be.

When I coach my clients, I often say, “who do you want to be given who your husband is?”

What I mean by this is: you can only control you. Your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. These are within your control. You can’t control your husband.

Knowing this—knowing who he is—who do you want to be?

This is what you can control.

CLICK HERE to download the podcast directory (and get the best marriage podcast episodes to listen to.)

Tip #6: Choose connection over being right.

It’s human nature to think you’re right. We all do this—and speaking as a former lawyer, I can say personally that I’ve done a lot of work to overcome this and it’s been amazing in my marriage and relationships.

The truth is that you’re not always right. And even if you are, why would you choose that over connection?


Tip #7: Prioritize play, fun, and joy.

In a marriage, there is so much centered around the home, kids, and work that it can be easy to get so stuck in a routine that the play, fun, and joy starts to fade.

This isn’t because of anything wrong in the marriage, it’s simply a lack of remembering to incorporate lightness into your days.

One way to do this is put your brain to work on the question: “how can I be more playful with my spouse today?” See what your brain comes up with. Have fun with it!

A Final Note

If you have a healthy marriage but there are a *few things* you’d like to change, these mindfulness tips were made for you. They can help you take an otherwise “fine” marriage to a THRIVING marriage that continues to grow and evolve over time.