I used to think being a good mom meant getting everything right. The well-balanced meals, the spotless home, the perfectly planned activities. I believed that if I just tried hard enough, I could control every little detail and give my kids the perfect childhood.

But instead of feeling like an amazing mom, I felt exhausted. Stressed. Like no matter how much I did, it was never enough. And the worst part? I wasn’t actually enjoying motherhood the way I thought I would.

That’s the tricky thing about perfectionism—it disguises itself as high standards, as responsibility, as being a good parent. But in reality, it steals your joy, fuels anxiety, and keeps you stuck in an endless cycle of doing more and never feeling like enough.

Signs You’re a Perfectionist Mom

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Here are 21 signs you might be struggling with perfectionism in motherhood—without even realizing it.

You Hold Yourself To Impossible Standards

  1. You feel guilty no matter what—you’re never doing enough.
  2. You replay ‘mistakes’ (big or small) in your head constantly.
  3. You compare yourself to other moms and always feel like you fall short.
  4. You struggle to celebrate your wins as a mom because you focus on what could have been better.
  5. You feel like you need to be the best at everything—parenting, work, home life, even hobbies.

You Try To Control Everything

  1. You micromanage how your kids do things instead of letting them figure it out.
  2. You struggle to delegate to your partner or ask for help.
  3. You have a hard time relaxing if the house isn’t perfectly clean or organized.
  4. You obsess over schedules and routines, and any change feels like failure.
  5. You struggle to let your kids make mistakes—you want to protect them from everything.

You Struggle With Rest And Play

  1. You feel like you have to ‘earn’ your rest by getting everything done first.
  2. You have a hard time being present and playful with your kids because there’s always something that needs doing.
  3. You overcommit to activities, projects, or volunteering, leaving no space for yourself.
  4. You feel anxious when you’re not being ‘productive.’
  5. You struggle to enjoy the little moments because you’re always thinking about what’s next.

You Beat Yourself Up Over The Smallest Things

  1. You feel like a bad mom if your child has a meltdown in public.
  2. You blame yourself for your child’s struggles, even when they’re completely normal.
  3. You replay things you said or did, wondering if you handled them ‘right.’
  4. You feel intense pressure to always be patient, calm, and loving—anything less feels like failure.
  5. You struggle with self-compassion—you talk to yourself in ways you’d never talk to a friend.

You Believe Motherhood Should Feel Easier Than It Does

  1. You feel like you’re failing because you thought you’d have it all together by now.

How Perfectionism Is Holding You Back

Do any (or most!) of these resonate with you? If so, I get it. I’ve been there, and the work I’ve done on perfectionism has truly been life changing.

At first, perfectionism feels like a strength—like you’re just setting high standards and being the best mom you can be. But over time, it starts to take a toll in ways you might not even realize.

  • Emotional exhaustion, stress, and burnout. Holding yourself to impossible standards is exhausting. You’re constantly trying to do more, be better, and keep everything running smoothly—but it never feels like enough.
  • Strained relationships with your kids and partner. When perfectionism takes over, it’s easy to focus more on doing things right than connecting with the people you love. You might get frustrated when your kids don’t follow the plan, or feel resentment toward your partner for not helping “the right way.”
  • Less joy and presence in motherhood. Instead of soaking in the sweet moments—like your child’s giggles at bedtime or a lazy Sunday morning—you’re thinking about the mess that needs to be cleaned or the schedule that needs to be followed.
  • Anxiety and constant self-doubt. Perfectionism keeps you in a state of what if? What if I’m messing them up? What if I should be doing more? What if I’m not a good mom? That constant pressure can lead to anxiety, overthinking, and never feeling at peace.

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What To Do Instead

Perfectionism might feel like a habit that’s impossible to break, but small mindset shifts can make all the difference.

  • Embrace ‘good enough’ over ‘perfect.’ Remind yourself that a happy, relaxed mom is better than a stressed, perfect one. Kids don’t need a Pinterest-worthy childhood—they need you.
  • Allow yourself to make mistakes and model that for your kids. When they see you handle mistakes with grace, they learn resilience. Show them that imperfection is normal, not something to fear.
  • Practice self-compassion. Notice how you talk to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Would you speak to a friend that way? Probably not. Try speaking to yourself with the same kindness.
  • Focus on connection over control. Instead of trying to get everything right, ask: How can I connect with my child in this moment? That shift alone can change everything.
  • Remind yourself: Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy one. A mom who laughs with them, rests when she needs to, and knows that love matters more than a spotless house or a flawless routine.

A Final Note

I know firsthand how hard it is to let go of perfectionism. For so long, I thought that being on top of everything was what made me a good mom. But the truth? The best moments of motherhood—the ones that make me feel deeply fulfilled—have nothing to do with getting things done. They happen in the connected, present moments.

More Resources On Perfectionism: